Squirrel Tears
by Wario the TableMan
Summary: Alternate ending to "Texas"


"What's the matter, Sandy?" asked SpongeBob, smiling with his best friend Patrick by his side. "You seem down."

Sandy was visibly frowning, and she wished not to have shown off her sadness to such an extent. "I guess I'm feeling a little homesick, that's all…" she said.

"Homesick, huh?" thought SpongeBob aloud. He snapped his fingers when he got an outstanding idea. SpongeBob told Patrick his plan. Patrick put a blindfold on Sandy and they went to the treedome.

"Surprise!" shouted SpongeBob and Patrick. "Welcome home, Sandy!"

Sandy burst into tears and ran into the treedome. It seemed like she was not at all happy with the friendly gesture. She used a switch to seal off the entire glass structure with metallic covering.

"Maybe it is a squirrel thing…" mused Patrick.

"Dang…" said SpongeBob. He looked down at his hand and saw that it was glowing. "This power…"

Patrick looked at the energy forming in the young sponge's palm. "It's time to fulfill the destiny of yonder, SquarePants…" he said solemnly.

SpongeBob roared and then flexed his arms to transport his biceps through his postal packaging system. The muscles slipped on like a glove.

"NORMAL!" cried SpongeBob as he flexed once more. He posed and posed, for his intolerance towards sea cheetahs knew no bounds.

"Dangerously cheesy…" rasaped Chester Cheetah. He was on vacation from the Cheeto commercials and was relaxing at Goo Lagoon. However, he could not keep his eyes off of the yellow biceps flexing in the pale moonlight.

"VEINY!" growled SpongeBob as his muscles got even bulkier and more death-defying.

Patrick was amazed by his friend's ability to get such a studious form of charismatic whimsy. "SpongeBob!" he cried.

Chester Cheetah then ran up to the site and examined the gorgeous glory in full detail. "Deliciously hot…" he murmured.

"He will commence licking!" screamed Patrick in profound realisation.

"And for the ladies…" SpongeBob let off on more flex and his muscles reached their peak condition. "HAIRY!"

The arms were now coated in a thick slew of hair. SpongeBob could feel his energy outpouring like a pair of size-six boots.

Chester Cheetah jumped atop the muscular limbs and stuck a bendy straw in them. He sucked up the energy using his cheeks.

Squidward oversaw the madness and pulled out his clarinet. He played the most amazing tune ever and it caused Nick Fury to shed brilliant tears of heroic justice and eyepatch rights.

SpongeBob was on the verge of being the hunkiest thing in the known universe, but Chester Cheetah was not having any of it.

"SpongeBob, use a killer move, my duderino!" called Patrick as he slipped on his red jacket that he had received from his father on Starfish Day.

"Pat… you are my best friend…" groaned SpongeBob. He was tiring due to cheetah lip suction.

Sandy came up through the top of her treedome on a lift and she was holding a guitar and wearing a rodeo hat. "I wish I was back in Texas…" she sang.

Patrick eyed the squirrel and gasped. "By George, I have the stinkin' solution to this ordeal!" He charged up his pants and the power of cotton and polyester fabrication was infused into his being. Patrick was now on fire, but he was also underwater, so he did a really impossible feat.

"Ultimate ninja power!" remarked Squidward. He took his clarinet and shoved it into his ear canal. He then grabbed his own nose and played another cool song with it. It was the Goofy Goober theme song!

"Dartmouth…" snarled SpongeBob. He looked at how Patrick's pants were granting immense energy and glory.

"The ocean's no place for a squirrel…" Sandy said sadly.

"Buttz man barnacles!" SpongeBob howled. He shot laser beams out of his azure irises and blasted Patrick's pants to death.

"My pants have died…" wept Patrick. He now had only the power of underwear to grant him invincibility.

"Dangerously cheesy…" said Chester again and he did this cool move where he did a wee-heh.

"People from Texas are dumb!" yelled SpongeBob. He then took his own rear and slammed Sandy's guitar to pieces with it.

"SpongeBob's mystical toxy is a lethal weapon. The ages have transgressed…" said Patrick.

Sandy looked down and saw death and destruction across the acres. "I knew this day would come…" she said with a tear in her eye. She then took out her remote and called Pizza Hut.

Pizza Hut received Sandy's signal. The president of Pizza Hut sighed because he knew Sandy needed the biggest solution. The president called up Grand Moff Tarkin and ordered for the Death Star to shoot SpongeBob. SpongeBob was struck by the laser and was defeated.

Chester had won. He slurped up more sponge with a side of cabbage.

 **The End**


End file.
